I'm trying this again. Yes, it was a year and a half ago that I did this, but think I may be up to the challenge now.
My life is crazy 99.9% of the time. Even so I am proud to say that I generally remain optimistic and cheerful. Unfortunately, I almost let the past few months change that. I have spent many hours crying, feeling despair and letting myself wallow in self pity. I felt alone. Even though my situation hasn't changed, my attitude has. My husband kept asking me if I had prayed about our situation and I had but didn't feel any calm. Another sleepless night was upon me so I prayed and then decided to get out of bed. What do you do when you can't sleep? I either watch television or get on the computer. I started to "google" and found a situation very close to what we are going through. I felt it was an answer to my prayer. I also took some advise and went to see our bishop. I never expected such kindness and for the first time in the last few months I felt hopeful. I was reading in my Ensign prior and realized that even though I felt I had did my best, my best would always be flawed and that was why we have the atonement. I have felt for quite some time that I need to be strong. I always assumed being "strong" meant doing things on my own. I realized that this is foolish. I can't handle this situation on my own. Being strong means admiting this and being humble enough to accept help from others, especially my Savior. I feel since I've changed my attitude that I have been blessed by others. Today a friend in my ward brought me a plate of cookies and an overly kind letter. I'm not sure she'll ever know how much it meant to me. It has inspired me though. I may not be able to give out the type of Valentine's for February that I'm use to giving but I'm going to make my own little "love notes" to tell people what they mean and do for me. I am so grateful I am not alone and knowing this makes the challenges that I'm facing bearable.
4 months ago